Me and my broken heart.

I have had this post floating around in my head and whispering to my heart for awhile now.

Eight summers ago my life changed drastically when my heart was broken for the very first time.

I have come to realize over the years that those broken pieces will never be put back together the way that they were.

NO matter how much time passes, I will forever be missing a part of my heart.

As much as I wish it otherwise, I am not the same happy, naive girl I used to be.

Eight summers ago, I stopped saying the word dad,

and it wasn't by choice.

Some would say that I was pretty lucky to go 26 years with all of the pieces of my heart still in tact.

And in a way, I guess that they are right.

I am  was lucky.

The past couple of weeks, I have spent many hours thinking about him, about times that we shared.

I believe all of this thinking started when we were at the county fair 2 weeks ago.

One night, while I waited in an extremely long line to order some food for my family, I watched a smaller family of three try to decide what they were going to order in front of me.

Pretty ordinary, right?

Well, that ordinary moment brought me to tears and has caused me to remember, relive, beg God, cry, and lift my hands to the heavens wishing with all that I am that things were different.

You see, those three people were a mom and a dad and their older teenage daughter.

As they stood there and contemplated what they would order I tried not to seem too stalker-ish as I listened to their banter.

At one point, the father wrapped his big arms around his daughter and smiled down at her.

As she leaned into him and allowed herself to be wrapped up in his warm embrace, I almost lost it.

She looked up at him and he looked down at her and he kissed her....

on the forehead,

just. like. my. dad. would have done.

Shit.

That was it.

I was done.

I can't believe that I was able to order any food at all after that, I just couldn't hold back those big alligator tears that spilled down my cheeks.

That tiny, ordinary moment destroyed me.

All I could think was that, 'I will never have a moment like that again.'

Since that time the only thing that I wanted to do, that I needed to do, was watch my wedding video.

Travis and I were married 10 years ago and I have yet to watch our reception video clips.

Pretty crazy, right?

I mean, ten years without watching a silly video?

Well, tonight, I finally decided that it was time.

{Sigh}

Time that I saw that I did have those ordinary, holy shit, stop time moments with my dad.

This video is pretty raw, but even though it is not of amazing quality, it makes me smile and cry and thank God that I had this amazing man in my life.

I will take the broken heart, it just affirms how very much he meant to me, and still does.

County Fair

Today.

When I declared (what right now seems like a lifetime ago) that I was never, ever going to marry a farmer, I didn't realize that said prediction would be exactly the opposite of what would actually happen. 

I guess it's true what they say, 'never say never.' 

Years ago I didn't envision my life as a 4h mama, (if you asked me back then, I honestly couldn't have even told you much about 4h having never been in it myself).

Today, I am learning everyday what it means to be a mama of a 4h kid (or 3!). 

All three kids showed their calves in the county fair at the Dairy Show this morning.

I would be lying if I didn't say that I was secretly cheering them on in my head as they walked that arena with clean, adorable, and snuggly calves. 

To say that I was excited when Madi clinched the win in her class (she was first out of 5 in her class) would be an understatement.

She rocked it and I am so proud of her! 

Tanner did a great job as well and received a blue ribbon for his efforts and was invited back for the state fair line up. 

Madi ended up receiving a reserve champion in dairy calf (quite an honor) and getting invited back for the blue ribbon auction tomorrow (where we hope that someone sponsors her).

Tanner, showed his talents elsewhere, and received a grand champion in showmanship (which means that he was able to lead his calf well and keep it under control). 

As a  new 4h mama, I was so damn proud! 

It was a little tricky to coordinate Ty and Madi's outfits for the dress up your calf event at the fair but we pulled through!

Tyson was able to get a taste of victory like his big brother and sister when he placed 1st in this division. 

Apparently, the boy can dress for a part and play it pretty well! 

Adventures at the Barn

While their big brother stayed home to do the calf chores around our place, the two littles and I ventured to the barn with their dad. 

They had a fun night playing with the calves while I snapped some photos. 

After a little while, Madi's friend Destiny came to find her and the kids spent the rest of the night playing with her and her little brother Cody. 

I don't think that I can get one decent (not silly) photo of the little guy these days, he is always messing around and being funny when the camera is out!

Finding caterpillars.

The little monkey found the silage pile and couldn't resist climbing all over it!

Madi was excited to meet Destiny's goat and now says she has to get one!

Our friends are Mexican and share some amazing food with us on a regular basis, they are so nice!

Tonight, they shared a special Mexican lollipop...

Can you tell what they thought of it by looking at their faces?!

I think my little Norwegian kids need to venture out a little more!

Trouble with a capital T!

Watch out world, these two have wheels!

Trouble is spelled with a T and an E!

...and as a side note, the speed is turned all the way down on both four wheelers, so they really can't go that fast, but please don't tell the boys...they think they are speed racers!

Feeling Him

Who knew...

that going away for a nearly a week to spend time on the beach with friends would turn out to be a soul touching time for me to feel closer to Him?

It all began while we were 35,000 feet above the earth.

There is something spectacular about witnessing the sunset from high above the clouds. 

I sat there with my forehead pressed tightly against the glass while the sunshine warmed my face

and I simply watched 

in wide eyed wonder all of God's beauty from up above.

I felt so light.

Something inside of me truly needed this trip, 

this get-away with friends that turned into so much more.

I am so grateful that everything fell into place and I was able to go.

While I sat in my seat, in awe of the sheer beauty all around me, I snapped photos with my camera because I knew that this was going to be a moment that I never wanted to forget. 

When I got home later that week and plopped the memory card into my computer, I smiled.

These images are some of my all time favorites.

I am so glad that I ignored those angry looks that I kept getting from an upset passenger in the seat in front of me as I (probably very annoyingly to him) snapped photo after photo with my big DSLR. 

I'm sure he thought I was some 'silly tourist' (I'm being nice, I'm pretty sure the word silly never crossed his mind!)

I don't mind though, capturing these images made me feel so much closer to God.

I hope that despite the man's anger, he was able to see what an amazing sight was unfolding right before him out his own window. 

Here are some of my favorite shots from that night.

This photo continues to takes my breath away.

I spent a considerable amount of time on the beach watching the sunrise each morning.

I couldn't seem to escape the pull of the ocean.

It seemed to be calling to me.

I took a lot of photos but I also spent a lot of time just walking along the edge,

letting the waves catch my feet and allowing the water to wash away all my worries.

It was beautiful.

God is truly good.

and this mama is feeling relaxed, refreshed, and completely renewed.

Thank you to everyone who helped me make this trip a reality.

A Check Off the Bucket List.

This past week, I was extremely fortunate to have gotten the opportunity to take a girls trip to the beach with a few of my very closest friends.

I am working on a post all about our fun time and how it really felt to be away from my family for 5 days but for now I want to share this unforgettable moment from our trip.

When we discovered that none of us had ever parasailed before, we knew we had to give it a try!

So instead of being scared, we jumped right in and I am so. glad. we. did.!! 

I love these girls!

That beautiful, sunshine morning in Myrtle Beach, we lived. 

It's a memory I'll hold close for the rest of my life.

I'm checking this one off of my bucket list and will be smiling BIG for a long time to come!