I wish that somehow this blog post could find its way to you.
I wish, more than anything, that you could be here...right now.
I can't believe that it's been nearly 10 years.
There are so many times that I've wished and prayed and begged God to make these circumstances that are my life, different, than what they are.
When I was growing up, I didn't realize that we lived in this sheltered, happy, little bubble where tragedy and bad things were completely unheard of.
I mean, yeah, we (our family) had our share of issues, and things to deal with...seriously, if we're being honest with ourselves, who doesn't?!
But, when the day was done, and it was time to be tucked into bed, I knew deep down inside, that you and mom loved me more than I could possibly imagine ...
and that I was here, for a reason, a purpose, bigger than myself.
You two helped me believe that.
These days, you will often find me sitting behind the wheel of a Chevy Suburban that is in desperate need of a change of oil, a good vacuuming, and a soapy carwash...
where french fries, stinky basketball shoes, and half drank bottles of water rest upon the floor.
You might call me a 'soccer mom', although these crazy kids of mine have never participated in the sport.
I know my way around any ball field and gymnasium with-in a 75 mile radius...
and a lot of days I want to rip the tiny hairs out of my head,
stressed out to the max,
trying to make a plan about who is supposed to be where, and when, and wondering just how in the hell am I supposed to get 3 kids to 3 different destinations all happening at the same, exact time?!
I wish you were here.
I can't even imagine how loudly you'd be cheering when Tanner sank that game winning, 3-point shot in basketball...
or when Madi struck the 3rd batter out in a clutch game of softball,
or when Tyson finally got over his fear of striking out and hit a grand slam to win the baseball game.
You were my biggest fan,
and I know, with all that I am, that you would be theirs.
I like to think that you are up there,
watching us from above...
reminding me to just BREATHE...
that these moments of stress, are just that, moments...
and they are fleeting and passing me by in the blink of an eye.
And that these kids of mine who were 1 and 2 (and a year from being born) at the time you left us..
somehow know that you are there.
That they have this silent, SUPER, fan cheering them on...
LOVING them from a distance.